• Facebook
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

The Birth Gem Doula

  • About
  • Doula Services
  • Massage and Reiki
  • The postnatal pantry
  • Blog
  • Birth Art Mandala and Belly Painting
  • Placenta Remedies
  • Contact

Some motherhood truths I have learned… so far!

4th trimester & motherhood· Pregnancy & birth

26 Sep
you got this
  1. Motherhood isn’t an instant feeling for everyone.
    I expected to have this instant knowing as soon as I discovered I was pregnant, having been told by a lady I knew from work that this is the case. ‘The moment we are pregnant, that’s it, we are mothers.’ She said. So it was a surprise to me that all I felt was fear, I was 18 and didn’t feel like a woman yet let alone a mother! Sometimes it really is a gradual unfolding and that's OK.
  2. None of us are experts and none of us are perfect.
    I would watch other mothers and think damn they have it down. Until the day I finally attended a mums group. I had been told that I really needed to get out of the house and talk to other mothers, this was a scary concept as I was sure they would all take one look at me and realise that I was an impostor. We all kind of sat in a circle and the mums with various stages of baby, all who seemed much more confident in handling them than me where sharing various ‘failures’ (in their minds at least) and anxieties “I microwaved a bottle of formula” revealed one (she shook it good don’t worry). “I slept with mine in the bed with us, I’m so ashamed he could have died, the safe sleep guidelines…” Then I (and I still don’t know what compelled me to share this) revealed something I was so ashamed of… still am a little bit. “I shouted at my baby to shut up, he wouldn’t stop crying and…I was just so tired” I stopped, mortified that I had just blurted it out, the jig is up I’m revealed as the non-mum… “God, you know I’m so relieved to hear you say that. I shouted at mine a couple of times too.” This lady who was the image of motherhood perfection to me, a muslin cloth draped casually over her shoulder, perfect pink baby being expertly burped. A few of the other mums revealed that they too had reacted in such a way to their babies’ constant ear-piercing screams. One revealed that just a few days before she stood outside her car and smoked a full cigarette while she waited out a tantrum her toddler had been throwing all over the back seat. It turns out that it’s not just young first-time mums who become overwhelmed by the epic transition of motherhood. It’s all of us.
  3. Trust your instincts, they are usually right.
    Someone gave me a book, the worst book I could have cracked open at that time. The contented little baby book! I tried so hard to follow the instructions that had apparently been ‘a lifesaver’ for the well-meaning couple that gifted me this instruction manual (and it is an instruction manual). I tried to let my baby cry it out, despite my instincts telling me that this was just not me, this wasn’t right for us. I would be in tears, well we would be in tears trying to follow the book's advice on scheduling until I realised that schedules and instructions gave me no pleasure or comfort before I became a mother, it just wasn’t in my nature so why would they help me now?! I’m not judging mothers who found this book helpful as we all have our own way. This way simply wasn’t for us. As soon as I started trusting myself,  being kind to myself and of course my baby, our life together became so much easier. If your instinct tells you that something isn’t right for you then listen to it. Listen to your heart and trust it!
  4. Everything is temporary.
    When my son was crying in the night and throwing up or going through a transition that took up all my energy and spirit I felt like it would last forever. One day I told my Mum how I wished I could fast forward to when teething was over. She said ‘don’t wish it away as it all goes by so fast’. I didn’t pay much attention to her at the time but boy was she right! My son is 13 now and I can barely remember those baby days that gave me so much stress. I did learn some skills in how to soothe a fussy baby, bring down a temperature, eat one-handed, complete many tasks wearing a baby etc. I do remember watching his adorable little face as he slept, his laugh, the funny little noises he would make… but those times I found so all-consuming and stressful don’t really stand out in the scheme of things. It’s all temporary, changeable and constantly evolving.
  5. Sometimes it’s OK to accept help and sometimes it’s essential.
    So I had been a mother for 3 years. I had it more or less down, I rock this shit! Or so I believed. I fell pregnant with my 2nd son and planned to heal my first birth and have a great experience. Let’s forget about the birth and focus on those important early days. I went into overdrive trying to prove how capable and together I was compared to my 1st experience. I was resistant and defensive to any offer of support and unsurprisingly (from this 9-year distance) exhausted myself. After 2 defiant weeks of keeping on top of new baby life, housework, dinner making and running around after my 3-year old I became ill, a sobbing heap, weak with a virus and exhaustion. “What are you trying to prove?” My husband asked. I realised after a talk with him that actually, my mother in law was desperate to help. She wanted to feed me, support us and care for us the way I love to care for new families. I watched her happily take my washing and bring us shopping laden with lovely treats. After I adjusted to this new way of being I felt great, so cared for and actually grateful. I also felt a little guilty for not accepting her help before. I can’t stress enough ladies SOMETIMES HELP IS ESSENTIAL!

So those are just 5 of the many lessons I have learned so far, I’m sure we all have many many things to add but these are my chosen few for now. To be continued!

Be gentle with yourselves you wonderful Mothers, we have got this, and each other!

Share
Tweet
Pin

1 Comment

Feeding is loving »

Comments

  1. charlotte Addison says

    29 September 2017 at 11:10 am

    Love this ❤️

    Reply

Leave a Reply to charlotte Addison Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Browse by Category

  • 4th trimester & motherhood
  • Pregnancy & birth
  • Recipes
  • About
  • Doula Services
  • Massage and Reiki
  • The postnatal pantry
  • Blog
  • Birth Art Mandala and Belly Painting
  • Placenta Remedies
  • Contact
❤️ Raw vegan brownie ❤️ Good fats & magnes ❤️ Raw vegan brownie ❤️ Good fats & magnesium a plenty here.
Date full and soooo good, the perfect birth room snack for energy and a perfect treat for your postnatal nest. So easy to prepare even for those who claim that they can’t cook, and this freezes well too. I make these for my love to take to work as well as for my clients. If I’ve served you you’ll likely recognise them! 
I’m not one for measuring but that doesn’t matter here as you just adjust this until you reach the right amount of squidgy ness for it to press into the pan. Today I used pecans for the base but have used other nuts and oats before. 
❤️Ingredients
2 cup pecan 
2 cup dates (I used medjool) 
6 tbsp cacao powder 
2 tbsp maple syrup 
100g bar dark choc 
❤️Method 
Line a square pan with grease proof paper.
Put 2 cup nuts in blender and blitz until fine.
Add the rest of the ingredients and blitz until it kind of comes together. Test it by scooping out a small amount and see if it all sticks together well. 
Spoon into the pan and press down with the back of a spoon until even. 
Freeze for 30 mins. 
Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water. 
Pour onto the brownie *optional* top with crushed toasted nuts, a sprinkle of sea salt and dried rose petals. 
I happened to have a little of the trail mix I made left so used nuts from that but I recommend you get playful with it. Grated orange zest and coconut is good, any edible flower looks divine, goji berries or nothing at all. 
#rawbrownie #rawvegan #postnatal #the4thtrimester #theforst40days #brownies #recipeshare #feedwithlove #fooddoula #postnatalpantry #easyrecipes
I am absolutely disgusted by todays news and my he I am absolutely disgusted by todays news and my heart goes out to the people of the US most of who do not want this. But here they are, forced back to a time that should never have to be experienced again, the rights that so many women fought for over so many decades undone . Abortion is health care and restricting access to it does not make it go away, it only makes it more dangerous and life threatening as history has already shown, definitely most dangerous to the most vulnerable in society. This is just criminal, cruel and inhumane, people will die thanks to this vile decision. Just chilling really, We could see it coming and yet I am still shocked. You know all this and everything else I want to say of course and many could put it more eloquently but wow. Maybe one day women in America will have as many rights as a man that wants to carry a gun on his waistband?? 
To echo @hannah.dahlen , to those who say ‘only in America’ Since when has America not influenced the world?
“We are not without actions that we can take. We need to have hope, but we need to hang on to this anger because we can use that anger to fuel change,” ~ Elizabeth Warren 
#abortionishealthcare #womenshealth #roevwade #reversingroe #abortionrightsarehumanrights #wombwisdom
❤️Horchata where have you been all my life!? L ❤️Horchata where have you been all my life!?
Likely the roots of the plant milks we use a lot these days Horchata is a popular and often vegan drink usually served over ice throughout Spain, Puerto Rico, Central America & Mexico. It’s essentially a spiced and sweetened nut milk, traditionally tiger nuts it seems and strained just like other plant based milks. It struck me that a lot of the healing, comforting recipes I love from around the world include milk and rice, how comforting this would be alongside congee. During my self nurturing time I got a little playful with it and prepared a herbal Horchata for lung health, energy and immunity. It takes a while with the overnight soaking but is so worth it, I had mine this morning in my smoothie and will likely incorporate it into a few different dishes! I look forward to experimenting with variations on this gorgeous creamy drink, rose would be divine! 
Herbal Horchata - 
make an 8 cup serving of Mullein tea/ tonic (6 tbsp mullein 1tbsp dried ginseng root 8 cup boiled water steep 20 min) strain and set aside
❤️Ingredients 
1 cup cooked white or brown rice
1 cup almonds
1/4 cup marshmallow root 
6 tbsp dried mullein 
2 cinnamon stick 
1tbsp dried ginseng 
8 cup boiled water for the tea
4 dates or a couple tbsp maple syrup ( I used magnolia syrup)
1 - 2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup coconut milk
❤️method 
Soak the rice, nuts, cinnamon marshmallow root in the strained tea in the fridge overnight. 
In the morning transfer all the ingredients except the coconut milk to a blender and blitz. 
Pour through a mesh then a plant milk bag (I found this easier and less messy!) Then whisk in the coconut milk. 
Taste and add sweetness to your own taste but for me this was perfect dusted with cinnamon to serve. 
Enjoy! 
#horchata #herbalhorchata #comfortfood #herbaltea #plantbased #healing #nurturing #plantwisdom #mullein #ginseng #selfnurture #selfcare #radicalselflove
Happy birthing day to this absolute goddess! The s Happy birthing day to this absolute goddess! The surprise, joy and bliss in these pictures says it all. She waited so long and worked so hard to achieve the home birth of her dreams and achieved it. During the peak of covid lockdown #1 no less! 
I’ll celebrate you every year @s1naed and your absolute glory as I know you’re going to be busy with the double birthday! (Yes this mama only likes to have her babies on June 22nd )😆
This queen waited so long to meet her baby. When your 1st born arrived unexpectedly early going ‘post dates’ feels endless! So she waited, so full of baby in the heat and with the unique never before experienced challenge of parenting during the restrictions of a pandemic. We joked about baby choosing his siblings birthday to arrive on and of course it happened, the birth goddesses have a great sense of humour 😆
To support you on your journey as you achieved the birth you deserved was an absolute honour. I remember you saying that your biggest wish was to just go about your day and meet your baby. No fuss, no interference and I’d say you exceeded that. You took what you needed, left the rest and birthed your way, like an absolute goddess worshipped by your love and served by us just as it should be. Sending some big love out to you today, 
@s1naed YOU. ARE. AMAZING! 
#homebirth #birthworks #empowered #empoweredbirth #positivebirth #birthstory #waterbirth #birthdoula #birthingday #sacredbirth #birthyourway
💖Summer solstice essences 🌞 There couldn’t 💖Summer solstice essences 🌞
There couldn’t be a more perfect morning than summer solstice morning to lovingly gather blooms and make some flower essences and plant remedies. I believe that there is so, so much nature wants to teach and gift us if we are open and curious. After all we do not just live in nature we are nature. Having missed a trip to London today to see an exhibition on the divine feminine I found it in my garden. 
The radiant nourishing energy of the rose and sun are what I need to embrace right now so in the gorgeous light of today these soft divine flowers sit with local spring water in this crystal bowl for a while before the quiet ritual of bottling the essence at sunset. The appropriately named queen of flowers, Rose is such a heart opening, feminine and divine flower, i’m quite in love with her! There are a few reasons, the scent being just one that this magical flower is used so heavily in sacred art legend and poetry. you’ll see it revered, honoured and appreciated throughout time and across the world, attached to mother Mary, Aphrodite, Venus, Joun, Lakshimi and more. This year I have resisted gathering my roses for all my recipes and remedies right away, I have instead practiced patience and appreciation but today felt right to gather… not to mention I finally had the energy after being unwell. The energy of the solstice certainly worked for me today! 
Some of you that have been served by me through summer months might remember these roses and their gorgeous scent as I would often gift them and treats made with them 💖
#roses #divinefeminine #floweressences #giftsfrommotherearth #flowerpower #thepowerofplants #youarenature #plantmagic #greenwitch #keepyourheartopen #plantremedies
Just some beautiful photography from the birth roo Just some beautiful photography from the birth room in honour of Father’s Day. 
How lucky we are in birth work that we get to witness such rare and precious moments of becoming. Sending love to all the dads out there that advocated and held safe space, surrendered, held tired birthing bodies, wiped brows and tears, bravely scrubbed up for c sections, held each other as they became dads together, crouched next to their nicu babes and waited, love to you all ❤️
1. Amelia Lyon - Having a chat with Daddy 
2. Brooke Walsh - “These dads waited for so long for their baby — born via surrogate at a birth center — that they were just completely overcome with joy when they finally got to hold him.”
3. Maggie Trice - “This mother had been laboring for about 12 hours at this point and was absolutely exhausted. She was entering into transition, so each contraction was getting even more intense. Mic, the father, leaned in to pull her in close as she came down from the last contraction, wiping her tears from her cheeks. It was truly one of the sweetest moments I’ve ever captured between a mom and dad.”
#fathersday #dadsinthebirthroom #birthofafather #riteofpassage #dadsinbirth #birthphotography #birth #doula
It’s a hot one today mamas! I’m re sharing tip It’s a hot one today mamas! I’m re sharing tips on how to stay cool if you’re pregnant during a heatwave, this year using a pic of the gorgeous pregnant Rihanna in Barbados! We can’t all take advantage of the sea… or escape to Barbados so do comment with your own tips if you have any! 🌞 Stay hydrated! Keep a bottle of water with you at all time’s and drink regularly even at night. I know frequent loo trips aren’t fun but neither is dehydration!
🌞 wear loose, light coloured clothing in natural fabrics like linen and cotton, synthetics don’t help with heat. if you want to be covered then floaty beach dresses are great. If you’re not too bothered and at home then a bikini, pants or nothing will do! 🌞 Avoid being in the sun for long periods, get shade often and keep a spray bottle or the mist spray fan (in pic 2) nearby. Keep your body spritz bottle in the fridge overnight, rose water is perfect to spritz yourself with on a hot day, a relaxing and luxurious scent and great for the skin on top of being refreshing! If not available then chilled water will do just fine. Relaxing like a beautiful mermaid in a paddling pool is also a fab way to keep cool! 🌞 pregnancy is tiring in normal weather, in a heatwave more so, take it easy and rest with your feet higher than your heart for at least an hour a day. If your ankles and feet are prone to swelling do gentle rotations of the joints and alternate with chill packs on the joints ( the gel kind) and the back of the neck, basically wherever feels good. If you have willing hands don’t be shy, ask for a massage!
🌞 A few tips for a more comfortable nights sleep. Freezer blocks in your sheets for a while before bed can be very refreshing. Putting your sheet folded in the freezer for an hour before bed. A hot water bottle filled with ice cold water on your feet in bed with you can be very soothing. A fan in front of a bowl of ice, its worth noting that thr breeze of the fan can be quite irritating on your skin while pregnant. 
Take care of you and take it easy you beautiful mamas! 
#keepingcool #heatwaveandpregnancy #pregnancytips #pregnantinthesummer #keepcool #pregnantinaheatwave #pregnantgoddess #doulatips #rhianna
Doula down! The Postnatal Pantry and face to face Doula down! 
The Postnatal Pantry and face to face appointments are shut for the week while I practice what I preach and nurture myself. 
I once again tried to ignore the whispers of my body until they became calls ironically in the form of me losing my voice. This is something I have to re learn often as a lot of us do I’m sure but this path is a spiral and theirs always a deeper lesson in the revisiting of lessons. 
In this day of self nurturing after last nights wise full moon 🌕 I’m dipping into my healing plants both fresh from the garden and dried, drinking lots of greens and giving my body some care in the way of gentle stretching, self massage and a good soak with flowers of course. 
How do you care for yourself when your run down? Do you power through until you crash? What little self nurturing practices can you add into your life? 
Something as small as this green smoothie inspired me to take some time to rest and recharge this week. 
#selfcare #selfnurturing #listentoyourbody #youmatter #greensmoothie #plants #healingplants

Contact Details

The Birth Gem - Doula, Massage and Reiki
Boxers,
Royal Oak Lane,
High Hurstwood TN22 4AL
07545061535
Copyright © 2022 The Birth Gem. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy