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Some motherhood truths I have learned… so far!

4th trimester & motherhood· Pregnancy & birth

26 Sep
you got this
  1. Motherhood isn’t an instant feeling for everyone.
    I expected to have this instant knowing as soon as I discovered I was pregnant, having been told by a lady I knew from work that this is the case. ‘The moment we are pregnant, that’s it, we are mothers.’ She said. So it was a surprise to me that all I felt was fear, I was 18 and didn’t feel like a woman yet let alone a mother! Sometimes it really is a gradual unfolding and that's OK.
  2. None of us are experts and none of us are perfect.
    I would watch other mothers and think damn they have it down. Until the day I finally attended a mums group. I had been told that I really needed to get out of the house and talk to other mothers, this was a scary concept as I was sure they would all take one look at me and realise that I was an impostor. We all kind of sat in a circle and the mums with various stages of baby, all who seemed much more confident in handling them than me where sharing various ‘failures’ (in their minds at least) and anxieties “I microwaved a bottle of formula” revealed one (she shook it good don’t worry). “I slept with mine in the bed with us, I’m so ashamed he could have died, the safe sleep guidelines…” Then I (and I still don’t know what compelled me to share this) revealed something I was so ashamed of… still am a little bit. “I shouted at my baby to shut up, he wouldn’t stop crying and…I was just so tired” I stopped, mortified that I had just blurted it out, the jig is up I’m revealed as the non-mum… “God, you know I’m so relieved to hear you say that. I shouted at mine a couple of times too.” This lady who was the image of motherhood perfection to me, a muslin cloth draped casually over her shoulder, perfect pink baby being expertly burped. A few of the other mums revealed that they too had reacted in such a way to their babies’ constant ear-piercing screams. One revealed that just a few days before she stood outside her car and smoked a full cigarette while she waited out a tantrum her toddler had been throwing all over the back seat. It turns out that it’s not just young first-time mums who become overwhelmed by the epic transition of motherhood. It’s all of us.
  3. Trust your instincts, they are usually right.
    Someone gave me a book, the worst book I could have cracked open at that time. The contented little baby book! I tried so hard to follow the instructions that had apparently been ‘a lifesaver’ for the well-meaning couple that gifted me this instruction manual (and it is an instruction manual). I tried to let my baby cry it out, despite my instincts telling me that this was just not me, this wasn’t right for us. I would be in tears, well we would be in tears trying to follow the book's advice on scheduling until I realised that schedules and instructions gave me no pleasure or comfort before I became a mother, it just wasn’t in my nature so why would they help me now?! I’m not judging mothers who found this book helpful as we all have our own way. This way simply wasn’t for us. As soon as I started trusting myself,  being kind to myself and of course my baby, our life together became so much easier. If your instinct tells you that something isn’t right for you then listen to it. Listen to your heart and trust it!
  4. Everything is temporary.
    When my son was crying in the night and throwing up or going through a transition that took up all my energy and spirit I felt like it would last forever. One day I told my Mum how I wished I could fast forward to when teething was over. She said ‘don’t wish it away as it all goes by so fast’. I didn’t pay much attention to her at the time but boy was she right! My son is 13 now and I can barely remember those baby days that gave me so much stress. I did learn some skills in how to soothe a fussy baby, bring down a temperature, eat one-handed, complete many tasks wearing a baby etc. I do remember watching his adorable little face as he slept, his laugh, the funny little noises he would make… but those times I found so all-consuming and stressful don’t really stand out in the scheme of things. It’s all temporary, changeable and constantly evolving.
  5. Sometimes it’s OK to accept help and sometimes it’s essential.
    So I had been a mother for 3 years. I had it more or less down, I rock this shit! Or so I believed. I fell pregnant with my 2nd son and planned to heal my first birth and have a great experience. Let’s forget about the birth and focus on those important early days. I went into overdrive trying to prove how capable and together I was compared to my 1st experience. I was resistant and defensive to any offer of support and unsurprisingly (from this 9-year distance) exhausted myself. After 2 defiant weeks of keeping on top of new baby life, housework, dinner making and running around after my 3-year old I became ill, a sobbing heap, weak with a virus and exhaustion. “What are you trying to prove?” My husband asked. I realised after a talk with him that actually, my mother in law was desperate to help. She wanted to feed me, support us and care for us the way I love to care for new families. I watched her happily take my washing and bring us shopping laden with lovely treats. After I adjusted to this new way of being I felt great, so cared for and actually grateful. I also felt a little guilty for not accepting her help before. I can’t stress enough ladies SOMETIMES HELP IS ESSENTIAL!

So those are just 5 of the many lessons I have learned so far, I’m sure we all have many many things to add but these are my chosen few for now. To be continued!

Be gentle with yourselves you wonderful Mothers, we have got this, and each other!

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  1. charlotte Addison says

    29 September 2017 at 11:10 am

    Love this ❤️

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❤️ Family birth ❤️ These siblings woke jus ❤️ Family birth ❤️
These siblings woke just in time to kiss and so tenderly comfort their mother @noabere as she birthed their new babe earth side. They calmly joined her in the water after she invited them, dad crouched poolside and they all met baby lovingly together. Such a sacred and precious experience! 
Some worry that children might be traumatised by witnessing birth but here you can see how normalising birth and building a calm supportive environment created the family birth that this mother wished for. 
This birth was a good example of how normalising birth benefits everyone! Almost every aspect of our early childhood development is affected by environment and experience, and how we feel in it. Imagine what birth culture might look like if more of us where invited to share in well supported positive births as children. So much of our early exposure comes from dramatised birth from Popular film and tv, none of it featuring siblings and none of it particularly positive. How we view birth matters so much. 
It’s not for everyone of course, there are many ways to birth and none are the right way unless they feel right for you and your family. We know our children and their temperaments and whether having them with us during this life event suits. 
If you are considering involving your children in the birth of a sibling here are some ways to prepare 
❤️ Involve them in your birth prep. Educate them and share with them as much as you feel you need to. Reassure them about noises they might hear and what they might see if they choose to share the birth space. 
❤️Watch you tube videos and read together. The book birth in focus is always popular with children. 
❤️ Have a good support team around you and a plan for moments that they may need attention. Make roles clear beforehand so that your partner doesn’t feel torn between who to be present for. 
❤️plan for alternatives. Make childcare plan options for with phone numbers included. You may birth during school/ nursery hours, who knows. It’s always good to have options! 

#familybirth #homebirth #birthingathome #birthinfocus #sacredbirth #birthwithlove #positivebirth #waterbirth
❤️ Placenta encapsulation ❤️ I’m always ❤️ Placenta encapsulation ❤️
I’m always in awe of the amazing placenta. Whether you choose to honour yours with a beautiful burial ceremony like the one I discussed today, or benefit from its magic through consuming I’m just always in love with them. 
The transformation of the placenta and returning home to source is a process that always feels so special. 
Here are 126 capsules of power. 
#placenta #placentaencapsulation #placentaremediesnetwork #placentalove #postnatalnutrition #postnatalhealing
At 1st glance you might see a messy patch of weeds At 1st glance you might see a messy patch of weeds but Stream side and various patches of my garden are left quite deliberately and lovingly wild, especially this time of year. From the nettle, dandelion, wild garlic, mugwort and so many more gifts from the ground, trees and hedgerow my postnatal pantry is abundant with dried and fresh gifts! 
Today I’m making a couple of dandelion, wild garlic and spinach feta filo pie. Every part of the dandelion is edible and amazing in its gifts including  the powerful root which I dry. I may add some more greens I find for these newborn mothers. 
I’m also gathering cleavers, fennel and nettle tops to my water today but keep becoming inspired/ distracted by the flowers they beg to be noticed and other plants that keep revealing themselves 😆
I believe that we have so much to learn and re claim from the plants around us, I also believe that they want us to unlock their gifts. 
Today I’ll be gathering and lovingly preparing postnatal nourishment in the form of placenta, garden and kitchen magic. Lucky me! 
If you don’t already and if you have a moment I invite you to spend a little time getting to know your local edible weeds. I’m most grateful to nettle today another humble and abundant bit of magic💖
#eatmoreweeds #giftsfrommotherearth #plantmagic #greenwitch #postnatalhealing #doula #plants #herbalremedies #thefirst40days #the4thtrimester
Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy ❤️
Posted @withregram • @lrknost This is one of the most powerful images I've seen, by the absolutely brilliant @noellemirabellaphotography
It speaks volumes about the story of our lives. We are not alone mammas. 💛🌻 #loveandrage
via @thegentlemamma
.
‘Just Because She Carries It Well Doesn't Mean It Isn't Heavy’ “I have been sitting here trying to find the words to pair with this image.... writing them out.... rewriting them. Deleting whole pages and starting over. All that remains is the lump in my throat.

This image was inspired by my life as a woman and a young single mother. I do not want to break down every detail for you. You can find the story, whatever it means to you. ❤️
I wrote Ward Churchill to ask if I could use the spine of his book, Agents of Repression, in the image to help tell the story. He agreed, and only asked that I send him a digital copy when it was complete. I did, and this was his response.
.
‘Absolutely beautiful image. Many thanks for sending.

Love & Rage,
Ward’

Love and rage, love and rage, love and rage..... Those words brought tears to my eyes and sent chills down my spine.... Like poetry for my soul. I thought to myself, he gets it. That was all I needed in that moment. A quiet nod of understanding.

That being said, my soul does not feel quiet. It is on fire, and so full of life. It wants to tell stories and change the world one photo at a time. So, here I am, and I am just getting started. ❤️ I entered this into our Canadian national image competition and it scored an excellence. ❤️It is a single image capture. I hung everything from the ceiling and wired it in place. There are hidden messages throughout the entire image. It is a work of art that I am most proud of. It is not just my story, but the story of billions of women around the world.”
@noellemirabellaphotography ❤️
______

🌻Peaceful Parenting Resources: Link in bio🌻
_____
Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.
❤️Raw brownies, a simple but decadent feeling ❤️Raw brownies, a simple but decadent feeling birth room snack for the goddess and of course those serving her! These are nutrient dense, heart opening and very pretty. I delivered a box of these to my client today as they are pretty date-full and you know, ‘dates for dates’ and all that, not that we believe in due dates here! 
I lOVE energy bites and all their wonderful variations but I can’t always be bothered to stand there for ages shaping those little balls of goodness and you just can’t beat chocolate really can you. Energy slices are so much quicker and that’s basically what this raw brownie is. 
Very few ingredients, very little time or effort but lots of love go into these. 
❤️Ingredients 
2 cup pecan or walnut 
4 tbsp cacao
4 cup dates 
3tbsp maple syrup (optional)
70g dark chocolate (optional) 
❤️Method 
Put cacao and pecans in blender and blitz until fine 
Add the dates and maple syrup 
Blitz until sticky 
Press into a lined square cake tin and put into the freezer for a couple of hours. 

❤️This part is totally optional, you can simply dust with cacao ready to serve or; melt the dark chocolate or make your raw chocolate and pour on top. I like to sprinkle a little sea salt and rose petals. put in fridge until ready to slice and serve. Cut small squares for feeding a labouring mother. 
These are also great energy for postnatal days too. 
#datesfordates #rawbrownie #birthroom #duedates #cacao #rawvegan #vegantreats #postnatalnutrition #birthdoula
It’s an oaty day in the postnatal pantry kitchen It’s an oaty day in the postnatal pantry kitchen! Cookies and flapjacks are filling the space and the kitchen smells amazing. I have one row of caught cookies though 😫I really should have learned by now but I’m sure even the most avid baker falls prey to the multi batch complacency curse! 
I feel that it’s always important to learn your ovens quirks if you bake a lot and adjust your approach accordingly. As you can see the slightly uneven heat distribution of mine catches my cookies on one side if I forget to rotate them half way through the baking process. I rotate my cakes too. This issue seems exclusive to the 2nd batch onwards! 
Never mind I’ll eat back row of this tray before the day is out! 
#lactation #lactationcookies #baking #cookies #thefourthtrimester #postnataldoula #bakefail #cookiedough #postnatalrecovery
Fertility rites and blossom trees. Today is St Geo Fertility rites and blossom trees. Today is St George’s day which reminds me of a sweet tradition involving blossom trees and sexy nightdresses. I won’t be taking part as I don’t need to be absorbing the fertile power of the tree, my birthing days are done! 
It’s been gorgeous watching this crab apple  tree gradually blossom over the weeks though, I look forward to the blossom in my garden every year, each time i meet it like I’ve never seen them before. Fruit bearing trees have long symbolised fertility and renewal and have been an important part in so many rituals and ceremony around fertility and birth. 
🌸In Yugoslavia they where the object of a fertility rite honoured the night before St George’s day in which women would place their chemise over a fruit bearing blossom tree. In the the morning she would take it off the tree and put it on herself in the hope that some of the trees powers would transfer to her. 
🌸 In Ancient Rome women would gather under fig trees in honour of goddess Juno and invite fertility by having a mock fight, beating fertility into each other. What a sight that would have been! 
🌸 In northern India women met under a sacred palm to collect a coconut. The coconut, a ‘god fruit’ would be placed in a bowl representing the womb and the coconut itself representing life that bestows fertility. 
There are so many beautiful rituals across the world associated with blossom, fruit and nut bearing trees. #blossom #fertility #fertilityritual #ritual #fertilityrites #sacredpregnancy #sacredfeminine #giftsfrommothernature #birth
Cocoon of life ~ Kalyan Varma This is the the see Cocoon of life ~ Kalyan Varma 
This is the the seed of the Andaman redwood. Only slightly larger than a coin and very delicate. The photographer wanted us to look closely, wonder what we might be seeing before realising, and then marvelling at the intricacies of nature on viewing this picture. We birth geeks will of course immediately see the similarities to the placenta and know that picture contains the code to life. 
For me this picture has been a reminder that we do not simply live alongside nature, we ARE nature, see how similar this is to our placenta. these wise seeds designed to be carried on the wind. 
My doula work and big passion for birth usually lets me see birth imagery in a LOT of things but this is unmistakable, a beautiful placental image and a reminder to respect and marvel at the gifts around us, if we look there it is. The cocoon of life indeed. 
You. Are. Nature ❤️
#birthimagery #naturephotography #cocoonoflife #placenta #birth #birthgeek #wearenature #giftsfrommotherearth #nature #naturelover #sacredlife #earthday

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