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Birth plans matter, please let’s stop telling women that they don’t

4th trimester & motherhood

25 Sep

Whatever you want to call them, birth plans/ preferences/ wishes, they matter and if you tell a woman that they don’t or that they are a waste of time then you’re just being an asshole. Plain and simple, a complete asshole, I know that’s a strong statement coming from me, I’m usually very gentle but that’s how I feel. It doesn’t matter who you are to this woman if you are a friend, family member, midwife, consultant or random person at a supermarket checkout. By telling a woman that her birth plan is pointless then you are telling a woman that her voice, her opinions and wishes for her birth experience don’t matter, and that is just NOT OK.

The whole reason ‘official’ birth plans where introduced in the 1980s was to create the opportunity for a line of communication to be opened up between a mother and her care providers. When a woman creates a birth plan it means that she has taken the time to think about how she wants to feel during the most important event in her life and if you are part of that experience then think of it as an honour, not a right, and that includes her sharing her birth plan with you. The act of creating the birth plan is an empowering and important exercise in itself, it can be an extension of birth education almost. Never underestimate how much thought, discussion, research and time a woman may have put into her birth plan. How many drafts, how much love and feeling. This birth plan could have been born from trauma, it may be her call to her support team “I’m afraid, please help me to feel safe”. A love letter to her baby and to her birth partner, “I wish for me and my partner to guide our baby into my arms together”. They are so much more than just a list of pain relief preferences and demands on a piece of A4 paper. “I wish for quiet immediately after delivery so that our voices are the first our baby hears” These aren’t difficult wishes to honour though one of the mothers I supported was worried that she would be deemed a ‘birthzilla’, to which I responded good! Ask for what you need and want, this is the first and only time you will get to birth this baby. You are the most important person in that room, you are the queen and the goddess of the room, not a birthzilla, own it and ask for what you need! If it isn’t possible or if it requires discussion then cool, that’s part of what the birth plan is useful for.

Of course we can only control so much during birth, there will always be variables and situations that will not align with a mothers ideal wishes, always prepare for a plot twist as one mother said! but a birth plan isn’t about uncompromising control or being a ‘birthzilla’ as some people seem to feel. Its about a mother communicating to her support team, her wishes and feelings and asking for support in making informed and empowered choices around the most momentous and emotionally charged event of her life. Some women need help and support some of the time, some plans are adjusted and some aspects of a birth plan must be altered, that’s normal but if the birthing woman has created a birth plan then she has already started an important conversation with her support team and that will inevitably have a more positive impact on her experience. ‘Changes of plan’ do not render a birth plan pointless. There are always a plan B and C, there are always choices and discussions to be had. You always have a voice and you always have the right to have it heard.

I was in a cafe sat opposite a beautiful pregnant woman and her friend. They where discussing her soon to be birth and the woman asked her friend about her birth plan, “Did you type yours or use the visual birth plan?” The friend raised her eyebrows and laughed. “Why would you bother with a birth plan? They are totally pointless. They do what they want to you anyway.” I felt like jumping up from my seat right then, I felt my whole body clench up. I didn’t do or say anything as much as I wanted to, it just didn’t feel right to get involved. The pregnant woman didn’t say much in reply to her friend, just “oh ok fair enough.” I didn’t catch much more. On my way out though I put a positive birth flyer on her handbag while she was at the till. I know the friends response was likely to have been born of her own birth trauma, she was likely carrying around some pain and some story… but still, this is a chain we just have to break, we absolutely must stop telling women that taking control of any aspect of their birth experience is pointless! We must lift each other up, support each other, embrace and empower each other, be that kind of woman and that kind of friend. My answer would have been the visual birth plan from Pinter and Martin by the way, it’s a free download from the website. In my experience midwives find them easier to read and they are fun and informative to create.

If a mother ever shares any aspect of her birth plan with you or asks for your input then see it as an honour. Simply listen and appreciate that you are being given an insight into a very special and important place in her heart and mind. Remember that birth plans matter, don’t be an asshole!

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❤️ Family birth ❤️ These siblings woke jus ❤️ Family birth ❤️
These siblings woke just in time to kiss and so tenderly comfort their mother @noabere as she birthed their new babe earth side. They calmly joined her in the water after she invited them, dad crouched poolside and they all met baby lovingly together. Such a sacred and precious experience! 
Some worry that children might be traumatised by witnessing birth but here you can see how normalising birth and building a calm supportive environment created the family birth that this mother wished for. 
This birth was a good example of how normalising birth benefits everyone! Almost every aspect of our early childhood development is affected by environment and experience, and how we feel in it. Imagine what birth culture might look like if more of us where invited to share in well supported positive births as children. So much of our early exposure comes from dramatised birth from Popular film and tv, none of it featuring siblings and none of it particularly positive. How we view birth matters so much. 
It’s not for everyone of course, there are many ways to birth and none are the right way unless they feel right for you and your family. We know our children and their temperaments and whether having them with us during this life event suits. 
If you are considering involving your children in the birth of a sibling here are some ways to prepare 
❤️ Involve them in your birth prep. Educate them and share with them as much as you feel you need to. Reassure them about noises they might hear and what they might see if they choose to share the birth space. 
❤️Watch you tube videos and read together. The book birth in focus is always popular with children. 
❤️ Have a good support team around you and a plan for moments that they may need attention. Make roles clear beforehand so that your partner doesn’t feel torn between who to be present for. 
❤️plan for alternatives. Make childcare plan options for with phone numbers included. You may birth during school/ nursery hours, who knows. It’s always good to have options! 

#familybirth #homebirth #birthingathome #birthinfocus #sacredbirth #birthwithlove #positivebirth #waterbirth
❤️ Placenta encapsulation ❤️ I’m always ❤️ Placenta encapsulation ❤️
I’m always in awe of the amazing placenta. Whether you choose to honour yours with a beautiful burial ceremony like the one I discussed today, or benefit from its magic through consuming I’m just always in love with them. 
The transformation of the placenta and returning home to source is a process that always feels so special. 
Here are 126 capsules of power. 
#placenta #placentaencapsulation #placentaremediesnetwork #placentalove #postnatalnutrition #postnatalhealing
At 1st glance you might see a messy patch of weeds At 1st glance you might see a messy patch of weeds but Stream side and various patches of my garden are left quite deliberately and lovingly wild, especially this time of year. From the nettle, dandelion, wild garlic, mugwort and so many more gifts from the ground, trees and hedgerow my postnatal pantry is abundant with dried and fresh gifts! 
Today I’m making a couple of dandelion, wild garlic and spinach feta filo pie. Every part of the dandelion is edible and amazing in its gifts including  the powerful root which I dry. I may add some more greens I find for these newborn mothers. 
I’m also gathering cleavers, fennel and nettle tops to my water today but keep becoming inspired/ distracted by the flowers they beg to be noticed and other plants that keep revealing themselves 😆
I believe that we have so much to learn and re claim from the plants around us, I also believe that they want us to unlock their gifts. 
Today I’ll be gathering and lovingly preparing postnatal nourishment in the form of placenta, garden and kitchen magic. Lucky me! 
If you don’t already and if you have a moment I invite you to spend a little time getting to know your local edible weeds. I’m most grateful to nettle today another humble and abundant bit of magic💖
#eatmoreweeds #giftsfrommotherearth #plantmagic #greenwitch #postnatalhealing #doula #plants #herbalremedies #thefirst40days #the4thtrimester
Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy ❤️
Posted @withregram • @lrknost This is one of the most powerful images I've seen, by the absolutely brilliant @noellemirabellaphotography
It speaks volumes about the story of our lives. We are not alone mammas. 💛🌻 #loveandrage
via @thegentlemamma
.
‘Just Because She Carries It Well Doesn't Mean It Isn't Heavy’ “I have been sitting here trying to find the words to pair with this image.... writing them out.... rewriting them. Deleting whole pages and starting over. All that remains is the lump in my throat.

This image was inspired by my life as a woman and a young single mother. I do not want to break down every detail for you. You can find the story, whatever it means to you. ❤️
I wrote Ward Churchill to ask if I could use the spine of his book, Agents of Repression, in the image to help tell the story. He agreed, and only asked that I send him a digital copy when it was complete. I did, and this was his response.
.
‘Absolutely beautiful image. Many thanks for sending.

Love & Rage,
Ward’

Love and rage, love and rage, love and rage..... Those words brought tears to my eyes and sent chills down my spine.... Like poetry for my soul. I thought to myself, he gets it. That was all I needed in that moment. A quiet nod of understanding.

That being said, my soul does not feel quiet. It is on fire, and so full of life. It wants to tell stories and change the world one photo at a time. So, here I am, and I am just getting started. ❤️ I entered this into our Canadian national image competition and it scored an excellence. ❤️It is a single image capture. I hung everything from the ceiling and wired it in place. There are hidden messages throughout the entire image. It is a work of art that I am most proud of. It is not just my story, but the story of billions of women around the world.”
@noellemirabellaphotography ❤️
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🌻Peaceful Parenting Resources: Link in bio🌻
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Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.
❤️Raw brownies, a simple but decadent feeling ❤️Raw brownies, a simple but decadent feeling birth room snack for the goddess and of course those serving her! These are nutrient dense, heart opening and very pretty. I delivered a box of these to my client today as they are pretty date-full and you know, ‘dates for dates’ and all that, not that we believe in due dates here! 
I lOVE energy bites and all their wonderful variations but I can’t always be bothered to stand there for ages shaping those little balls of goodness and you just can’t beat chocolate really can you. Energy slices are so much quicker and that’s basically what this raw brownie is. 
Very few ingredients, very little time or effort but lots of love go into these. 
❤️Ingredients 
2 cup pecan or walnut 
4 tbsp cacao
4 cup dates 
3tbsp maple syrup (optional)
70g dark chocolate (optional) 
❤️Method 
Put cacao and pecans in blender and blitz until fine 
Add the dates and maple syrup 
Blitz until sticky 
Press into a lined square cake tin and put into the freezer for a couple of hours. 

❤️This part is totally optional, you can simply dust with cacao ready to serve or; melt the dark chocolate or make your raw chocolate and pour on top. I like to sprinkle a little sea salt and rose petals. put in fridge until ready to slice and serve. Cut small squares for feeding a labouring mother. 
These are also great energy for postnatal days too. 
#datesfordates #rawbrownie #birthroom #duedates #cacao #rawvegan #vegantreats #postnatalnutrition #birthdoula
It’s an oaty day in the postnatal pantry kitchen It’s an oaty day in the postnatal pantry kitchen! Cookies and flapjacks are filling the space and the kitchen smells amazing. I have one row of caught cookies though 😫I really should have learned by now but I’m sure even the most avid baker falls prey to the multi batch complacency curse! 
I feel that it’s always important to learn your ovens quirks if you bake a lot and adjust your approach accordingly. As you can see the slightly uneven heat distribution of mine catches my cookies on one side if I forget to rotate them half way through the baking process. I rotate my cakes too. This issue seems exclusive to the 2nd batch onwards! 
Never mind I’ll eat back row of this tray before the day is out! 
#lactation #lactationcookies #baking #cookies #thefourthtrimester #postnataldoula #bakefail #cookiedough #postnatalrecovery
Fertility rites and blossom trees. Today is St Geo Fertility rites and blossom trees. Today is St George’s day which reminds me of a sweet tradition involving blossom trees and sexy nightdresses. I won’t be taking part as I don’t need to be absorbing the fertile power of the tree, my birthing days are done! 
It’s been gorgeous watching this crab apple  tree gradually blossom over the weeks though, I look forward to the blossom in my garden every year, each time i meet it like I’ve never seen them before. Fruit bearing trees have long symbolised fertility and renewal and have been an important part in so many rituals and ceremony around fertility and birth. 
🌸In Yugoslavia they where the object of a fertility rite honoured the night before St George’s day in which women would place their chemise over a fruit bearing blossom tree. In the the morning she would take it off the tree and put it on herself in the hope that some of the trees powers would transfer to her. 
🌸 In Ancient Rome women would gather under fig trees in honour of goddess Juno and invite fertility by having a mock fight, beating fertility into each other. What a sight that would have been! 
🌸 In northern India women met under a sacred palm to collect a coconut. The coconut, a ‘god fruit’ would be placed in a bowl representing the womb and the coconut itself representing life that bestows fertility. 
There are so many beautiful rituals across the world associated with blossom, fruit and nut bearing trees. #blossom #fertility #fertilityritual #ritual #fertilityrites #sacredpregnancy #sacredfeminine #giftsfrommothernature #birth
Cocoon of life ~ Kalyan Varma This is the the see Cocoon of life ~ Kalyan Varma 
This is the the seed of the Andaman redwood. Only slightly larger than a coin and very delicate. The photographer wanted us to look closely, wonder what we might be seeing before realising, and then marvelling at the intricacies of nature on viewing this picture. We birth geeks will of course immediately see the similarities to the placenta and know that picture contains the code to life. 
For me this picture has been a reminder that we do not simply live alongside nature, we ARE nature, see how similar this is to our placenta. these wise seeds designed to be carried on the wind. 
My doula work and big passion for birth usually lets me see birth imagery in a LOT of things but this is unmistakable, a beautiful placental image and a reminder to respect and marvel at the gifts around us, if we look there it is. The cocoon of life indeed. 
You. Are. Nature ❤️
#birthimagery #naturephotography #cocoonoflife #placenta #birth #birthgeek #wearenature #giftsfrommotherearth #nature #naturelover #sacredlife #earthday

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